Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 (now streaming on Peacock, in addition to VOD platforms like Amazon Prime Video) posits an impossible question: What if someone had the balls to make a movie that’s even worse than Five Nights at Freddy’s? Granted, the 2023 video game adaptation/deadass incomprehensible mess wasn’t an all-timer of a turkey – it invoked less ire, more ennui from me – although I’m suddenly prompted to wonder if indifference is indeed more powerful than hate. Anyway, that $300 million box office hit spawned this $200 million-and-counting sequel which manages to eclipse the first movie’s incompetence by being exasperatingly dull and muddled. And in that sense, it’s quite an achievement.
The Gist: It’s 1982. A young girl sees sinister shit happening in the employees-only areas of a Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza happy happy joy joy children’s funplaytime screech-o-rama junk food and
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